Very soon

Soon and very soon my heart is going to be joined with the one it loves. I think that I have been so focused on the ‘Second Coming of Jesus’ and the hope that justice will one day prevail over the evil in this world that I forgot about the actuality of meeting the family that I am apart of! Even if Jesus doesn’t come in my lifetime, I get to spend ETERNITY in the presence of a man who I love, a father who loves me more than any other, and the spirit who will continue to expound on the things of God. I am overcome with peace.

When Jesus began to prophesy of his death; I wonder if it was real to them, or if it still felt far off and distant like a story they had heard. But, I can’t imagine the emotions that each of the disciples must have felt when they REALLY realized that they were no longer going to be in the physical presence of their friend any longer.

¹⁶“In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me.”

Bless you

He did it for me, He did it for YOU!

Yeah, 2000+ years and he chose you. He came here from perfection leaving his perfect family to include you. So stop putting yourself in time out each time you slip or stumble or fall hard on your face. The truth is that he got up on that cross and endured 33 years knowing just what his life was unto, for YOU.

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

So you were that joy set before him, the fact that he would get to have you as a part of his family for eternity. So give him your affection and stop withholding yourself every time you make a mistake, just press delete and move on.

Worthy and Clean

He knows me. I mean He REALLY REALLY knows me. It amazes me, that I always think I have Him figured out. Like I know exactly what He is about and what He has planned for me. Well it came as a surprise to me that in this last month of my 6 month consecration period He flipped my world upside down.

I knew going into all of this that I would be learning alot, I had absolutely no idea it would all come about as it has in the months previous. He knows my heart and exactly what I need and the fact that everything in my days are because it will bring about the greatest good just is so backwards to me, which I guess is a good thing. Anyways my heart has been healing in ways I thought were done and closed up. Obviously there were things I had not let Him touch before, so in this season I have had to be completely and brutally and painfully honest with people in my life and it has created so much freedom and healing in my heart and my mind.

The torment that I was under because of fear that the enemy had heaped upon me. Fear of being rejected, lies that no one could love me. I was litterally beginning to believe the lies over all truth I had ever heard, they felt more true and more real than anything anyone could say, bigger and better than any prayer I could pray it felt like there was no breakthrough in sight.

Yesterday was a good day. I brought things to light that I had never shared with anyone and the response that I was expecting never came. People it NEVER CAME! I am still loved, and still accepted, still welcomed, and wanted. THE BLOOD! I was getting prayer from a friend last night and breakthrough came. He began to highlight things to her and she began to pray and break agreement and renounce things I believed about myself and things I just lived under that were crippling me. I saw a vision of my heart while she was praying at some point and it was like a grey shell, it looked like a wasps nest. Kind of flakey but very very dead looking. I knew that it was bad news that my heart looked like that, but all of a sudden I saw it break in half and open up to reveal something wonderful. There was a small green sprout in the middle not whithered or broken or damaged, it was growing and it was new and it was ALIVE!

I am worthy of love. I am WORTHY of love. I AM WORTHY OF LOVE.

and so are you.

His Portion

So, I was just listening to John Mark the other day and a line from How He Loves hit me like never before. It was this: “We are His portion” Just a simple phrase that I have sung countless times. Yet this time the Spirit opened my mind up to receive a new revelation into the love of God.

Why? Was the question that came to mind when I started thinking about being his portion…I guess I have some adoption issues that are still to be worked out. But seriously, I was just thinking about how He starts with a blank canvas. He is able to create anything or anyone with any gift mix, any physical attributes, etc. etc. and He chose to make ME!

But what for? So then I was contemplating why people make things in general. Usually if you make something it is out of need for that thing, or because you want eventually someone to get some use. So there is commonly a purpose of creating for NEED and for USE. I was made for him to LOVE me and so He could USE me.

Heart shaped rocks

God loves me.

I love him.

This is all I have. This is all that matters. : )

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we my receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 4:16

Together

I can’t imagine the emotions that each of the disciples must have felt when they realized that they were no longer going to be in the physical presence of their friend. They then got to hold onto the promise that he not only was going to die for the sins of humanity, but that on the 3rd day he would rise again. Take up his human body once again and ascend to heaven where he would sit at the right hand of the Father. We will be re-united with the very same man!

Soon and very soon my heart is going to be joined with the one it loves. I think that I have been so focused on the ‘Second Coming of Jesus’ and the hope that justice will one day prevail over the evil in this world that I forgot about the actuality of meeting the family that I am apart of! Even if Jesus doesn’t come in my lifetime, I can rejoice in the simple truth that I get to spend ETERNITY in the presence of a man who I love, a father who loves me more than any other, and the spirit who will continue to expound on the things of God. I am overcome with peace.

¹⁶“In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me.”

John 16:16

Oil

As my current school term is coming to a close, tests are nearing and the stress of it all begins to set in. I can’t help but look forward to the next 6 months with eager expectation. Some may know, and some may not but I am taking the months of April-September off of school. For the simple reason that I don’t know what the rest of my life is to look like and I want to get some clarification about the things that are to come next.

I will be taking the time away from school to seek the lord with as much time as I can manage. To make for myself a foundation that will not be shaken in the time of testing. I will be able to practice all of the things that the Lord has so graciously taught me in the last year, between spending my summer at IHOP and then coming back and re-learning how to live life I have many things to start with. Mainly, PRAYER! This seemingly simple principle has radically changed my life. From the inside out my life has been transformed.

I now want to use the burden he has awarded me for the benefit of his glory. He has been showing me just how critical prayer is and will be in the coming seasons, of not only my life but the life of The Church. The ideas that we hold about what we think life looks like as christians, those ideas will be completely consumed and in their place will be given to us a new identity. This identity is one that has the power to give joy, provision, hope, peace, freedom,  we will be known as THE BIRDE of Christ.

Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun, which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion, like a  champion rejoicing to run his course. It rises at one end of the heavens and makes its circuit to the other; nothing is hidden from its heat.

Psalm 19:4-6